I’m up early. This is a rare moment in which no one is awake- there are no demands on me at this exact second and I can put pen to paper and listen deeply to my own wisdom/knowing as a kind of communion that directs the course of my day.
Liz Gilbert was on the podcast, We Can Do Hard Things recently talking about two-way prayer. It starts with asking the God of your own understanding to help you in some way. Mine might look something like this, “Dear God, please help me to relinquish control and the need to know and figure out all the details of my life. Help me to see that I have done nothing on my own, that I don’t need to be special or work hard to earn my place in life. Help me to recognize behaviours that keep me stuck in defectiveness- either succumbing to my feelings (playing small, not going after the things I want) or counter-attacking by trying to have it all together which amounts to a lot of pushing and exhaustion. Help me with discipline- the ability to say no to my addictive impulses so I can turn my attention to where I am truly nourished and where I do not have to divide myself against myself- the part that I present and the part I hide.”
The reply in my own words- me as my higher power speaking directly to that scared, angry, confused little child inside: “Dear beloved, I see you. I see how you work and show up to the monotony of family living. There are no rewards or applause for showing up for your kids, and yet when you are truly present to them, when you let go of your own agenda and need to control and you trust me to direct your ship, the light of their love and connection fills you to the brim. I want to tell you that you are enough. There is nothing you need to do to prove your worth. By the same token, if there’s something you’re curious about and want to explore, please do that without fear of how others will receive you. You know, dear, wonder child, how important it is to play and express. Give up expectations about outcomes. Let go of ‘should’ and simply be as upright, present and available to life’s miracles and mysteries as you know how. I love you, innocent one. I am holding you. I am with you every moment.”
This was written several months ago, but I did not publish out of fear. Today, I am hitting publish on this because to do so is to move out of the trance of unworthiness and to stand in my wholeness and let myself be seen.
May you remember your inherent beauty and worth. May you not be afraid to speak your truth with kindness and clarity.
When life gives you lemons... 